Thursday, December 6, 2012

Is Hope the Thing with Feathers?

Yesterday was, of course, my embryo transfer, so I wanted to let everyone know how it went.  There's not a whole lot to report, since the process has become so familiar to me, and I've posted about it all here before. Basically, I took my valium and had a lot of water to drink to fill my bladder an hour before the schedule transfer and went in to UCSF.  I got gowned up, and Ian got gowned up and in we went....

They thawed two embryos successfully and they both looked good, so that's great news.  It means we've still got 6 frosties left if these two don't take.  So, first the doctor (we had Tran, which was cool) did the hCG wash - putting some quantity of hCG through the catheter into my uterus.  Then we had 7 minutes to chill out while it sat in there hanging out doing whatever it was doing.  Once the 7 minutes had passed, in went the embryos (and we did do assisted hatching, so they've been poked pre-going inside me).  He said it went very well - better than the practice transfer he had done with us way back when.  So, that's good.  He also said our embryos look great.  So, that's sort of that.  Now we're back to the waiting game.

It's strange how much less into it I am this time compared to the last transfer.  I guess that's just how it works for me, though.  I get my hopes up once for a procedure to work, and then when it doesn't, I sort of don't open myself up the same way again.  I don't know.  I'm sure I'll still be devastated if this doesn't work, but I don't have the same excited floaty feeling I had after the last transfer.  I keep forgetting I have two embryos hanging out inside of me.

I'm sure some of that, too, is this new job.  I am just really focused elsewhere right now in a way I wasn't last time.  So, that's good.  There are actually moments of the day where this isn't on my mind.  Which feels pretty miraculous.  I'm sure once I start feeling more symptoms that can be attributed, potentially, to pregnancy I'll become more insane.  I do feel some hope that this was so much easier on my body so that's gotta be good for something, right?

One thing that I am acutely aware of at all moments of the day, is my ass.  So, yeah, those PIO (Progesterone in Oil) shots that I have every night?  They suck.  Ian is amazing and a total champ and we were both so scared the first night and now we're already experts.  But after 6 nights of these, I feel like I can barely walk.  It is really one of the least pleasant things I've ever had to do.  I hate it a lot.  I am every kind of sore and I have to have a giant needle shoved into my already sore sad spots every single night.  I can't even look at the needle without panicking - I have to close my eyes.  And this is after becoming so accustomed to injecting tiny needles into my stomach that I barely cared.  This is just a different ballgame.

Oh yeah ,we also found out today that Frozen Transfers are not covered by our insurance.  So that is a bit interesting.  That means we'll be paying out of pocket for this cycle and any others we need.  It is way cheaper than a full IVF, but it isn't peanuts.  

Anyhow, so, another blogger arranged an awesome sock exchange for people in this infertility world of bloggers, so I wore the socks that were sent to me all the way from England by the lovely Arwen for my transfer.  I loved that like 5 different people (nurses, primarily) noticed and commented on them.  Here I am all ready to go, showing them off.  The valium was really working at this point, by the way, people.  

This is on topic I swear, so, OK, I get this email everyday from Timehop that tells me what I was doing on that day the year before based on all my social networking.  Yesterday after my transfer I checked my email and found this photo in my Timehop email.  Apparently one year before my FET was the day I had my HSG, which was a horribly unpleasant experience wherein we discovered my fallopian tubes were AOK.  It was just interesting to see that photo of me in a hospital gown right after taking another photo of me in a hospital gown.  Just sort of put my year in perspective...  there's been a lot of nudity from the waist down, mostly not in a fun way.   There's been an entire solid year of dealing with Infertility.  A year of Dr. Tran.  A year a year a year.  It's almost 2013.

Anyhow, these are the tiny little embryos that are hanging out inside me right now.  Stick, little guys, stick!  I think you're pretty cute and I want you to hang out like forever!  Especially the one on the bottom.  Cause it's clearly the more attractive potential child.  


  1. Yippee! Glad it went well. Here's hoping that the cute one (or the not-quite-as-cute one) sticks around for nine months. I had a "wow this year has been monopolized by all things fertility" moment this week too.

  2. The socks look awesome on you! I knew they would ;)
    GO Embies Go! Stick little ones!!!

  3. Sounds like everything went really well, and it always feels preferable to me to feel disconnected from everything rather than anxious every minute! Here's hoping those embies stick around and that the 2WW flies by, great that you're feeling so good/engaged with work.

  4. My, what lovely little embryos you have! :) The PIO shots SUCK. I have 9 more injections before my 10 weeks of shots is up and I'm praying I never have to do this again. I can tell you that after the first month or so I developed some nerve damage (great, I know. My doctor assures me the feeling will come back after you are done with the shots.) and the pain when I move around lessened. I have some "special spots" on my rump now where I don't even feel the shots, too. This is just to assure you that it does get easier. The first few weeks are terrible, though. I find it hurts a little less if I heat the oil in a heating pad first, and then warm the rump with the pad after the shot.

    1. I am SO glad you said that because after I made this post, I stood up and realized a whole section of my back/butt was numb and I freaked out. Doctor Google tells me it is normal, but wow...what a strange feeling. I'm glad I'm not the only one!! I think my doctor is gonna let me switch to Crinone if I have a positive pregnancy test so hopefully I'll only have a couple of weeks of these things.

  5. woo hoo! Glad your FET went well. i think they are so much better than the fresh transfer. We also did the HSG wash and i really think it made all the difference - hope this is the case with you. GL and try to relax until your beta!

  6. Love the socks, what a cool idea! Will be thinking of you and those cute embryos.

    Ps- looks like the Valium treated you well!

  7. Yup, those embryos look solid! Regarding the progesterone shots: I remember giving S a lot of very vigorous butt massaging after each injection, and it seemed to help some. So if you aren't already doing that, maybe ask Ian to give it a shot?

    Sending you the good vibes, my friend.