Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I Don't Wanna Wait in Pain

This waiting is torturous.  I am now 11dp3dt, or 14dpo.  Totally could test today.  But still want to wait till the Beta on Friday.  Which makes me sort of insane feeling.  It's torture to not know, but I'm not ready to know.  Ya know?  I have had cramps off and on pretty much this whole two week wait, and as it gets closer and closer to test day, I react worse and worse to each one.  It's just hard to imagine a different outcome than the one we've had every time so far.  So, even though I know how common cramping is in early pregnancy, and even though I know progesterone also causes cramping, every time I feel a strong cramp I get a horrible sinking feeling that this did not work because it feels like every single other cycle that did not work in the past.

Other current symptoms:
* Extreme exhaustion that hits in the afternoon/evening.  This is the sort of exhaustion where I feel like I need to pry my eyes open, Clockwork Orange style, to get through the day.  It reminds me of being in my 20s and going out partying and dancing till all hours of the morning and then dragging myself to work the next day.  But without the partying and instead with the laying on the couch and the going to bed early the night before.
* Food aversion - Not to anything in particular, but sort of to food in general.  Maybe loss of appetite is a better description.
* Nausea - it's not terrible and it is in and out, but it comes, in particular, after I drink my morning coffee, after I take my Estradiol pill, and after I eat a little bit.
* Previously mentioned cramping - ranging from sudden strong sharp pains that come and go relatively quickly, to an almost constant dull ache that feels closer to how I feel when I ovulate than how I feel when I have my period, with occasional short spurts of very period-like cramps.
* Sore boobs - still.  Hasn't gone away since before my transfer.  At this point I wake up in the night because I'm sleeping on my stomach and it's hurting them too much.

I guess I'm just chronicling this for my own future reference, mostly.  I know these things could mean ANYTHING.  There are as many sets of symptoms as there are pregnant women.   And I'm also giving myself two out of the three hormones that cause these symptoms in pregnant women (Progesterone and Estrogen.  I am not giving myself hCG, which is the other cause of symptoms.)  So, I'm trying really hard to not over-analyze and to relax.  I did great over the weekend.  It's so much harder at work.  Two more days.


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