5dp3dt - Hello Out There

Today is my first successful (I assume, although the day is not done yet) full day back at work.  I have found myself spending some downtime googling "5dp3dt" just to see what other people have to say about this day in their lives.  I don't know why it provides such comfort, but it really really does.  It's sort of funny to think that some random other person, years from now, may find this post in the exact same way.  Maybe they too will then click frantically ahead to see if this cycle worked out for me, the same way I click ahead to see what happened to the other women whose blogs I stumble upon that take me back in time to their 5dp3dt.  They might find themselves rooting for me, as if it's a sign that they found my blog on this day and what happens to me means something to them - as if it gives them a little bit of a glimpse into their own future, and they want to see that news they are dying to see for themselves on my page for the brief hint of hope it provides.  They might fear seeing that my cycle did not work and then click even further ahead in this blog for reassurance that something worked for me eventually, just as they so desperately hope and believe it will for them.

Turns out it's pretty common to feel a little bit bored with it all right now - there is nothing really to report and it seems like a long long time before it's time to take a pregnancy test.  Because I'm on progesterone and estradiol, I don't even bother to try to interpret anything I feel as anything other than side effects from those hormones.   My sleep is very interrupted again, like it was when I was on the Lupron.  Last night I had a dream that was all about my newborn baby boy peeing all over me and all over everything and I couldn't stop it and I didn't have any of the supplies you need for a baby and I was confused as to why I suddenly had a baby and I couldn't stop the peeing and get what I needed.  Sort of classic anxiety dream format, but with a baby instead of a test for a class I forgot I was enrolled in or whatever.

Right now I am pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO).  Today my embryos might be beginning to implant.  Did I just feel it happening?   I am turning more and more into a hippie during this two week wait.  Surrounding myself with love and light and laughter and happiness and music, all with thoughts of these embryos and how much love I have ready for them if they just decide to stick around (as if they are just in there thinking about it - making a decision that I can influence by convincing them that this is the exact world they want to enter).  Thinking positive thoughts.  Lighting candles.  Feeling clean and pure and wholesome and good.  I have no control over this part of the process, and I don't know what else I can do.  I just want to protect them as best I can and give them the best chance.  It's probably crazy, I know.  But it makes me feel better.