Monday, March 26, 2012
some days
most of my coping mechanisms, cleverly developed over many years of anxiety disorder, are failing me at the moment. this morning was bad. guess what? this shit is hard. what if i actually just can't have a baby? what if your happy ending isn't going to be my happy ending? what if i bought this house and the "as yet unconceived baby's room" will emptily taunt me for years and years more. hard to keep these thought at bay anymore. so, there's that.
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Hiya Sharon,
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A new cycle is starting for us. My next step is booking in to see a specialist. Last time she said she'd have to operate to see if there's anything wrong with me. Also that I need to lose weight. yeah ... losing weight in stressful situations ... not likely. I need to do it tho.
All Jan's tests came back fine, a bit low in Vit D is all. I wont be surprised if it takes over 6 months to get an appointment with her. i should try and do it today.
Time to find some new coping mechanisms or adjust the old ones.
If it makes you feel any better, most people don't get pregnant on the first IUI. Now that you know what to expect with the treatment, it'll be easier. Don't lose hope! I recommend not finding out the news until the end of the day, if possible. It gives you time to grieve without trying to hide it from people you work with.
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