Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sinking Feeling

So, this is how I usually am - I get super super excited about something and then right before it happens I am suddenly not excited. I think it's how I avoid disappointment in an awesomely unhealthy self-preserving way.

I just had a horrible sinking feeling that we already missed the window. That I ovulated last night while I slept, probably early in the night, and by the time we even get the sperm up there it's going to be too late. The egg will be past its prime - dead already. I feel this like I KNOW it. Even though of course I can not know this. Even though an egg can live up to 24 hours even if I did ovulate early last night. Even though my doctors know what they are doing. Rationality out the window, I guess? I am trying not to cry about it right now. I have a hole in the pit of my stomach. It just hit me all of a sudden that this is going to be pointless.


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10 comments:

  1. QB @ Tales from Domestic ObscurityMarch 14, 2012 at 10:42 AM

    Praying for you, even though I think you said you didn't want prayers at one point. So please don't mind that I am. And thinking lots of happy and positive thoughts for you!

    {Dawn}

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  2. sharonMarch 14, 2012 at 10:46 AM

    Thanks, Dawn. <3

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  3. Christine McGavranMarch 14, 2012 at 10:57 AM

    This happened to me almost every month we did IUI.. including the month we did a trigger shot. I don't know what to tell you, except you're not the only one.

    The good news is if you ever get to IVF you'll have a lot more certainty on the whole window thing.

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    Replies
    1. sharonMarch 14, 2012 at 10:59 AM

      Thanks, Christine. I think I really wanted someone else to say that the same thing happened to them. So, now I can leave work knowing that I'm not TOTALLY crazy and alone. xxoo

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  4. UnknownMarch 14, 2012 at 11:22 AM

    Don't lose hope! Maybe you didn't last night and if you try today or tonight and ovulate tomorrow or tomorrow night, the timing will be perfect! Don't let your fears stop you from trying. I find I make reality out of my imagination and then I am surprised when it was not for real. Maybe it was a premonition to alert you. Maybe you are getting closer each time! Soon all the stars will align and it will be time...

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  5. NerdgirlMarch 14, 2012 at 12:32 PM

    Stay positive. It is just the stupid rain that is bringing you down. :) HUGS.

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  6. AliceMarch 14, 2012 at 1:09 PM

    Even now, at 19 weeks, I'm still worried. Perhaps a leftover of the previous 11 years of disappointment. Unfortunately, there's no point in worrying, but we still do it. If it makes you feel better, it's unlikely that the timing was wrong. The trigger shot is a very good indicator of when you will ovulate. The doctors really do know what they are doing.

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  7. angelMarch 14, 2012 at 1:17 PM

    stupid anxiety. i do it all the time with school. its as viscious cycle. I end thinking thing are worse than what they are when in fact its fine. go fig. hubby is the calm one in the house. im the irrational freak out. :) Im sure it will be a-okay! *thumbs up!* u can't do anything until you find out whats going on. I assume there will be some kind of test you take(aside from the preganancy test) to make sure its all working great?

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  8. JodiMarch 14, 2012 at 3:33 PM

    I was always very nervous too. Just remember it may take several tries, but one way or another it will happen for you! Love you! Call if you want to talk.

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  9. JennyMarch 14, 2012 at 6:11 PM

    So many hugs! Not pointless, either. It sounds like an incredibly taxing process, and you are human. xo.

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