Friday, September 14, 2012

On the Side

Well, my dreams of making it through this side effect free have been dashed.  In fact, the dreams have been dashed by...well...dreams.  Yeah, so the Lupron.  Is giving me insane dreams.

I thought I had jetlag, since I traveled back from Ohio, arriving late Tuesday night.  It would have made sense that I was tired early in the evening and waking up early in the morning given the travel and time difference.  And the anxiety, I attributed that to nerves before an important interview (that was on Wednesday) + travel + fear of starting my meds.  

When I woke up, again, this morning at like 4 am with strange dreams, a wide-awake brain, and an anxious stomach  I decided to do some research and it didn't take long to realize that what I am experiencing is a classic set of Lupron side effects.  Anxiety, sleeplessness, nervousness, mood changes.  That makes more sense than jetlag, especially since I've been back for as long as I was away.  It's not like I traveled across the world or anything.

Other things I am feeling (that could be from Lupron or birth control pills):
* extremely sore boobs
* sore lower back - sort of generally achey
* weird sort of soreness/pulling sensation in lower belly 

The injections themselves aren't that bad, I guess.  I don't know.   Each time I have to sit there with the needle all ready and my stomach all alcohol swabbed and count "1,2,3" like 10 times before I can bring myself to actually do it.  It's just so anti-instinctual to stick myself with a needle, no matter how small it is.  It doesn't hurt once it is in, or really going in.  It does, however, sting afterwards for like 30 minutes and I get this mini-rash right around the injection site, which I am guessing is my body reacting to the medication itself as it starts to spread out.  But it could be worse.  And I feel like complaining about this right now is only bringing on a sense of impending dread and doom for when I have to add two more injections a night in a week or so.   

I gave myself an injection on an airplane, and something about that hit me hard and I just couldn't stop tears from coming and coming.  I had to leave an event last night, sneaking out of a quiet theater before it was over, in order to be home on time to do my injection.  I was sad to not hang out with my friends after the event and to not get to congratulate my friend who was part of the event.  

Basically, I don't want to be a whiner, but here I am whining.  This isn't that fun.  It's sure to get worse before it gets better.  Yet, I still don't feel like I *really* have a choice.  I have no doubts.  This is something I have to do.  The alternatives do not yet feel like viable acceptable alternatives.  So I'll keep on jabbing.  


  1. Ah. Hug. It doesn't sound fun at all, but the end result will hopefully be worth any trauma and these days will seem like nothing.

    I totally get the crying randomly thing and you need to allow yourself to do it. You are dealing with some heavy issues and even if you make light of them sometimes, they are really real and deep. But you are lucky to have the most awesome and supportive hubby, great friends and family and, well even if we haven't hung out in real life so much, you rock.

    Hang in there, lady. Thinking of you over here.

  2. I so hear you on this, also on the whole tension between not wanting to 'whine' when things are hard now for fear that at the next stage - when it's inevitably harder - I'll feel like an idiot for having complained before. I had a hard day here too, so really know this feeling well right now. Good luck to you, will be hoping for all good things for you this cycle.