Monday, June 11, 2012

Boring Updatey Stuff and Things

I haven't been online much this week, thus haven't really been around here posting business and stuff.  My parents were in town, so I spent much of the week up in Napa with them eating and drinking wine like champs.  And then Saturday night I walked 18 miles overnight in the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention's Out of the Darkness Overnight Walk (wow, that's a mouthful).  I still hurt.  My poor right foot may never be the same.  But it was worth it and we raised a lot of money for a very important cause.  And later that day (post IUI) I did get to have an amazing hot stone massage and a great hot tub conversation with a friend right when I needed it, both physically and emotionally.

As for the topic of this blog - I don't have a lot to say right now.  We had our fourth IUI yesterday and it'll be our last try and marks the end of my time in the study.  Everything went fine, so we'll see in a couple of weeks if it worked.  We also have an appointment with Dr. Tran (our pre-study doctor from the clinic) on Wednesday just to talk about next steps and what we'll do if this doesn't work.  I am assuming IVF.  But there might be other tests they want to run...who knows?  Not I.  That's for sure.  I actually have scar tissue on my arm now from where they draw the blood every couple of days.  It isn't pretty - always bruised and full of holes and now scarred.  I have started thinking about how I might tattoo around/over/through that space when I reach the end of this all.  Closure in ink.

I'll be away when we find out if this try worked.  I think it'll be better for me than the time Ian was away and I was home by myself.  That month was also particularly awful with the chemical pregnancy and delay of my period.  This month at least I'll be busy with conference stuff and a little distracted.  But it also will be the end of our IUI attempts and the start of some other journey, so I'm not sure how that will affect me.

I'm definitely assuming the worst for this month.  I have become a bit gloomy about this all.  I think if I ever actually become pregnant I will have a very hard time believing/processing it since I've worked so hard at convincing myself it won't happen, so I am not so disappointed every time.  Will be interesting to see.

Today is my 5th wedding anniversary, so tonight Ian and I are going out for fancy dinner.  Back to work tomorrow - will be hard to get back into the swing of things after a week off, but it was a much needed break and I'm ready to return.  We have Ian's dad and stepmom in town this coming weekend and I leave for Anaheim for the ALA Annual Conference over the following weekend.  June is always a crazy busy month and this year is no exception.  I am hoping for a sleepy July.  With some time to regroup about the baby making stuff, along with everything else, one way or another.

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