Thursday, April 26, 2012

Here's Some Bullshit

So, I went in yesterday, two weeks post-IUI for my beta test (blood, not pee).  It's the first time I've had one, because last month I got my period before the two weeks was up.  The story is that if it's positive, you come back two days later to make sure your numbers are going up (they should be basically doubling every day).  If it's negative, it's back to square one - call on day one of your period, and start the next cycle.  Well, they NEVER CALLED ME WITH MY RESULTS.

This is just sort of appalling to me.  First of all, this is super emotional.  I basically can not focus on anything else until I hear.  It doesn't matter that I pretty much know that it's negative.   It is still the only thing on my mind.  I didn't sleep last night because I kept dreaming about it.  And *they* don't know that I'm 99% sure it's negative, so it just seems wrong, insensitive, cruel etc.

Second of all, it's all pretty time sensitive.  Obviously.

What I think happened:  Gloria, the Study Coordinator, is on vacation.  So I worked with/talked to some other woman who I had never met before who is replacing her yesterday.  I did not get the warm loving vibe that I got from Gloria instantly.  Perhaps she doesn't realize that it's the Coordinators job to call with results?  Cause Gloria is awesome - she always calls within a couple of hours and lets me know what's up with everything.  Maybe if you aren't in the study, it's your doc who calls?  Or a nurse?  And this replacement lady just assumed that someone else had called me?

Either way, I left her a voicemail at about 4:30 last night.  She didn't call back.  They have been open since 8am this morning.  She still hasn't called back.  I called my Doctor's team and left a message with them (not the study people, but the original doctor who is still keeping an eye on things and who I will go back to if I don't get pregnant in the four IUIs) about 40 minutes ago.  So I'm hoping someone will get back to me eventually.

In the meantime, Ian is out of town, and I'm alone dealing with this.  Last night I had friends over, so at least I wasn't just sitting home by myself (thanks, friends!  Little do you know what you were doing for me....).

Anyhow, I took a pee test the day before (Tuesday) because Ian was going to be out of town, and that was negative.  And I've had pretty horrible cramps for the last couple of days - feels like it'll come any minute now.  So I am considering myself out of the game this cycle.  But until I either see blood, or hear from UCSF, there's always going to be this tiny bit of hope basically killing me.  


  1. Call Gloria-substitute again this morning. You cannot be the only one waiting for results. I remember waiting for the results of our CVS and I didn't know we were supposed to call them, so I waited until the afternoon and Daryl and I were both freaking out all day. Also, when you call, give yourself some time alone for a bit. Good news or bad news, you're going to need it. Good luck and good vibes your way.

  2. All that is real sucky, babe. I'm so sorry. Sending you strength from Pacifica.

  3. Oh, holy COW.
    That is some TOTAL bullshit. I'm so sorry.

  4. If that I could be one of those friends who comes over to distract you during difficult nights, I would sit on your floor and make buttons of photos from your yearbooks until both our worries disappeared.

    Lots of love for you from nyc.