Friday, August 24, 2012


Infertility affects your life in ways far beyond the most obvious.  I've been hinting (not so subtly) at the fact that we needed to decide how to handle our next steps financially before making them, but haven't been able to really talk about what our options were as everything was still very up-in-the-air.  I can now announce that Ian had his last day at Rdio on Tuesday of this week and will be starting at Google X on Monday.

And while, of course, congratulations to Ian are in order, I think it's really important to note, on this blog if anywhere, that he did not want to leave Rdio.  As he says on his webpage, he was not looking for a new job.  He was really happy at Rdio, working  in a city he loves and can easily commute to with people he respects on a product he cares about in a role that was exciting for him.

So, what were our choices?
1.  Ian could stay at Rdio and we could fund all of our own fertility treatment by either waiting until we could save up or going deeper into debt (we just bought a house) and in either cases making major lifestyle changes and sacrificing things like travel to visit family.
2.  Ian could look for a job at a company that was large enough to offer some benefits for infertility.

We talked about these options a lot (really really like a whole lot) and ultimately it had to be Ian's decision.  The first thing he did was try to find any way possible to stay at Rdio.  Ian's bosses at Rdio explored every option.  Everyone wanted Ian to stay.  But in the end, there was nothing, as a startup, they could really do that would match the benefits a larger company is able to provide in a situation like ours.  But I do love them so much for trying.  In a way, that makes the leaving even harder.

Anyhow, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, among other opportunities that he explored, Ian interviewed at Google X (which is a part of Google) and was hired to work on Project Glass.  Google X is totally super cool!  It's like secret future magicland.  He'll be working with people he's really psyched about, and this will be the third company in a row where our friend Steve will be his coworker.  He really likes working with Steve.

Oh, hi, Supermodel Steve, modeling Glass!

So, this is no great tragedy, obviously.  It's a great opportunity and it's something really different for Ian and for us, as a family.  It is, though, a huge huge life change that was brought on due to our circumstances, as opposed to our desires.  Ultimately, that's how all choices are made, I suppose - based on changing circumstances creating differing needs.  So, we have different priorities at the moment than we did two years ago.  That meant making different choices.  I can feel sad about that because the cause of the different priorities is a little sad, but it's also how life works.  So, Ian will be taking a shuttle bus to a job that is over an hour drive away.   We don't know how it will affect the amount of time we have together, but we know his schedule will be far less flexible.  We'll be able to afford IVF, but he won't be able to come to my appointments with me anymore.  

We are so lucky that we even have this option and this opportunity.   More choices are a good thing, but that doesn't make them, always, an easy thing.  In this case, a good choice has been made, so now we are looking forward with hope and excitement and we feel ready for whatever this change will bring our way.    

Without going into great detail, the benefits Google offers are incredible.  This move will save us a vast amount of money in the infertility process, as well as the adoption process if we end up going down that path.  They also provide things that will make a difference in our lives once we have a child.   Not gonna lie, I have been dying to try one of those famous Google cafeterias for a long time, so there's that too!

So, what now?  Well, we met with Dr. Tran on Wednesday to go over all the different options, and have a plan of action in place.  Our goal is IVF with ICSI with a day 3 transfer of 3 or so embryos.  We'll see how I respond to drugs and take it from there.  (More on the drugs when I get them all.)  I'm not going into details about what factored into each of the decisions we made about our treatment, because it's just statistics and cost and our age and our test results and the length of time we've been trying put in a pot and then this is what falls out.  But if you are curious about what any of these things mean and the specifics of why we chose one option over others, please ask and I will happily share.  

When my period arrives (sometime in the next week) I will start on monophasic birth control pills which I will take for 21 days (all the active pills).  Beyond that, I don't have details of how my meds will work, but I have a phone date with Olga, my nurse, on Monday, to go over the calender.  So, I'll know more then.  And then I shall share again with you.  


  1. I know how much Ian loved working at rdio. He was there from day 1 when they used to sit in Craig's living room and I would visit to annoy them. At the same time, I am so so happy for you both to have found a wonderful opportunity to make this work.

    Keep up the faith, sista and brotha. Sometimes that is all we have.

  2. To post that only took me failing about 4 recaptchas. Seriously. I hate those things.

    1. seriously, i hate them so much too! but not as much as i hate spammy comments. <3 xo

  3. Hi Sharon -- thanks so much for sharing about the changes and what you and Ian have been going through. I don't know if it is of any help, but my wife and I had a similar set of challenges (it took 3.5 yrs for us to conceive).

    Of course, everyone's circumstance is different, but we felt it was the combination of Western and Eastern medicine (in our case, injectables and Chinese medicine) that finally did the trick; neither in isolation seemed to work for us. If this is helpful or applicable to you, I'd be happy to share the contact information of the clinics we used.

    And hang in there! I know for us there was a lot of stress and tears. Writing about it and sharing your challenges is certainly healthy and helpful, so keep it up!

    1. Thanks for the support, Mark. I have been doing acupuncture and Chinese herbs along with my Western treatments...have been seeing a practitioner in Alameda (where we live) who people really like and who specializes in women's health and fertility. I'm not sure how much I actually think it does anything, but it, at least, provides relaxation, which I can use. And which can't hurt. I'm sorry to hear this is something you had to go through as well... xxoo

  4. Good luck with the next stage, Sharon!

    While I haven't experienced fertility issues *touch wood*, I know what you mean about choices based on changing circumstances.

    I had to shelve my lifelong dream of becoming a doctor because my Bachelor degree expired after my failure to make the final cut to enter Medicine as a mature-age student. I was faced with the choice of going back to uni to try again, or try for children before I lost my fertility, so I chose the latter.

    I don't think most men really understand the intense pressure and fear women have that comes from doors being closed forever when one's fertility is gone. It's like an inescapable deadline: the partial death of the self.

    That said, you've taken many positive actions to address the issue before it's too late, so you're more likely to get a positive outcome.

    People tend to say things like "be strong," "hang in there," "it'll work out" etc. and that's fine, but IMO, it's OK to be weak. It's OK to _not_ be strong.

    You're in an incredibly difficult situation and it's OK to be upset! It's OK to be negative or angry or enraged sometimes. It sucks, and it's not fair.

    Just remember we're all hoping for the best for you and Ian.



  5. It's so cool that you guys made this decision together and that the opportunity was there! Also great that Ian has friends at GX and that you guys will never lose the connection with Rdio that Ian helped build. Good luck with the invitro stuff and remember - Google has daycare!