Thursday, September 26, 2013

WTF Time

So, we met with Dr. Tran yesterday for our regularly scheduled WTF appointment and we told him where we were.  He told us that we are far more rational than many people on this journey, which I think he appreciates.  It also means, though, that he won't get to take us all the way to pregnancy, necessarily, which I think he really believes eventually he could do, if we had infinite money and time and emotional and physical ability to do this, testing all of our options (including donor eggs, surrogacy etc - each of which would be a real and expensive test, because we don't actually know if the problem is with our embryos or with my uterus). Ultimately, though, he wants what is best for us, and I think appreciates that we realize the limits that we've hit and he also acknowledges that he is at a loss - that whatever is going on with us is beyond what medicine and science have yet figured out.

I am ready to be a mom, and I am ready to be done with this process, after this one final transfer.  I do think that while Ian has become more and more and more ready to move onto adoption, I have become more accepting of one more transfer being what is best for us both.  We are, as usual on the same page.

So, Ian and I, prior to going yesterday, looked at timelines for things to decide when to do our last Frozen Transfer.  I was recently appointed to a super exciting committee (the Caldecott Committee, for those who know children's lit).  This is truly the opportunity of a lifetime, so we wanted to plan so that if this cycle miraculously worked, I wouldn't miss my required conferences.  We also need to plan around our travel schedule, and our financial situation.

Because this block of text is too much a block of text, I present to you this small picture of a tiny pig!  TINY PIG!

ANYHOW.  Initially, all of this was making it look like spring would be our best option, but we really don't want to walk into the adoption process with one foot still in infertility treatments and we also don't want to delay everything for so long.  So, we found a window much sooner, and are going to go with that (beginning of December for transfer - lots of me taking shots during my time in Ohio for Thanksgiving as per the usual) .  The UCSF lab closes on December 15th, so Olga (the nurse) is, as I write, making a calendar that takes into consideration my travel and that closure.  I just got off the phone with her, and she'll call back in 30 minutes to go over it.  (Oh, the things I talk about at my desk at work, with Tom on one side of my cubicle wall and Adam on the other.  I'm sure they just love it!)

Our plan, in regards to this timing, is to continue to look closely and deeply at our options regarding adoption in the meantime.  We have talked to some amazing people, and signed up for some info sessions at agencies.  I'm still working on other posts that get more into all of this stuff and what we are doing with it.  Anyhow, we plan to have all of our ducks in a row so that when this FET fails (I can't bring myself to say if it fails) we are ready to exit this world, and enter the world of domestic newborn open adoption with open hearts and excitement and information.

So, back to our WTF appointment yesterday.  Dr. Tran presented us with a few options, including two potential new additions to our treatment.  Both are brand new, barely tested and a shot in the dark.  One of them involved another biopsy for me, and fighting back tears I explained that I am done torturing myself physically, especially with such limited evidence of outcome.  So, that is off the table.  The other, though, involves an extra nightly injection in my stomach, which ironically, at this point, barely feels like a big deal to me.  So, we're going for it.  Why not?  Money is the only downside - as it is not super cheap.  There was the option to do it via a trial, where everything would be free, but it would involve a full fresh cycle, and again, I am done with the things that I now consider torture - and an egg retrieval counts, as does having to be there nearly daily in the middle of the day for blood draws when my sick leave reserves are so low.  Also, even without all of those issues, in the study we could be randomized into a control group where we don't even get the drug.  So, we are going to pay for the drug, which is G-CSF.  And this is it - this is all we know.  20 people.  Not science yet.  Being in the study would've been nice, not just because of the money savings, but also because then we are helping science, but I feel OK being a bit of a guinea pig this way.  We went all out on the IVF cycle and I am willing to go all out for this last FET for all the same reasons.

(For nerds like me, I think I found the study here.)

Also, we are transferring 4 embryos this time.  Dr. Tran did not appreciate our joke about quadruplets.


  1. I'm hoping for a good last cycle for you. Regardless of the outcome...Happiness is just around the corner!

  2. First, tiny pig...words fail me.
    Second, Dr. Tran did not appreciate many of my jokes either. That man's hard to crack sometimes :)
    Third, I hope Mommyhood is close for you, no matter what road it takes to get you there!

  3. Oh my goodness, I hope you get to mommy soon! You're not alone in this horrible adventure - I wish this next step is your final step to the 'other side'. :)

  4. crossing fingers that mommyhood is pending. pig was adorable! like wilbur from charolettes web! :)

  5. Love you guys. What an amazing powerhouse of a couple you are.